Saturday, December 22, 2012

Honey Sesame Chicken


I can't describe the yumminess of this!!

8 out of 10. I don't know where the 2/10's deduction comes from but it's there. Regardless, this dish is uh-mazing!

The sauce that you pour over the chicken smells like happy memories. If it would be healthy to snort it, I would. These six sisters that come up with this stuff are pure geniuses. They came up with this recipe that I tried and bombed the first time but salvaged the second.

I wish I had their kitchen prowess. Maybe this summer, when I have a life again, I can try some stuff out but until then, I'll be hitting those sisters up.

And I didn't mess this recipe up. That's always a plus.


Egg Bites

Since Baby is still asleep, I'll keep going. I am doing something different here. I got an IDEA from Pinterest and kind of went my own direction with it.

In the mornings, the last thing I have time for is to cook breakfast for anyone. It's instant breakfast and we go. I saw a pin for cooking eggs in a muffin tin and thought I would try to make scrambled egg bites and see how they turn out.

I took 5 or 6 eggs and stirred them and added about 1/2 a cup of cheese, salt and a little bit of pepper. I used a mini muffin pan and cooked them at 350 for about 15 minutes. They came out fully cooked and they were actually pretty tasty.

I froze them and I warm them up in the morning for Baby and he tears them up! It's a nice, easy way to get him his protein in the mornings without having to stand there and cook while I'm yawning, half dressed and freezing.

If you try it, I hope you like it!

Pudding Pops

This is one of those pins that I pinned when I first joined Pinterest. Like most things on Pinterest, the hardest part of having all those pins is actually DOING them. I've been looking at the picture of these for months thinking about how goooooood they look. So I just DID it.

I bucked up my courage, went to the store, whipped that cool whip off the shelf, snatched the pudding with an Indian war cry, and skipped over to the milk to finish my purchase. I had a smile on my face the whole way home, ready to jump back 20 years and be a child again.

It took a total of about 10 minutes from start to finish and before I poured the mixture into the cup, I had about 12 spoonfuls. This was a good sign.

When they were nice and frozen, I peeled the cup off and took a big bite. It was like in the movies, when the world pauses and the camera zooms into your eye, and shows flashbacks of jumping on a trampoline, running around a tree, jumping rope, having pigtails, kissing a boy (yeah right, that didn't happen until I was 16), swimming and then the camera zooms back out to the current moment and shows me hopping over the Husband to take a bite. I'm sure that was a run on sentence.

I LOVE them. Your kids will LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE them. You could make a ton of pops for little money. I 100% believe no one should go without trying these. Good thing the Mayans were wrong because y'all would have missed out.


1 package instant pudding
1 1/2 cups milk
2 cups cool whip

Dissolve pudding in milk
Whip in cool whip
Spoon into 3 oz. dixie cups
Insert popsicle stick and freeze

Chicken Spaghetti

I haven't posted anything lately because I thought "What's the point. The world is going to end and all this testing out of food will be pointless and no one will be around to read it."

Just kidding.

As all you mommy/teacher hybrids know, you have no time for yourself so sitting in a room by myself, updating a blog post, is so rare that the only way I am sitting here right now is that it's 6:45 in the morning (during my Christmas break, of course) and after pulling my child into our bed last night after a 5:00 am fit, I left him in there to fall back asleep and just got up and had a cup of coffee and caught up on news. He's still asleep so here I am.

Here is what I've been up to lately...
1. Cheesy Quinoa Bites
2. Creamy Chicken Piccata
3. Breakfast Hashbrown Bites
4. 8 Can Taco Soup
5. Pudding Pops
6. Chicken Spaghetti

I'll start with the most recent. I made the chicken spaghetti earlier in the week. You must know, this recipe was given an 8 out of 10 by myself, Husband and Baby. In fact, Baby kept ripping the spoon out of my hand  in order to fling it around and THEN put it in his mouth. He really liked it even though half of it actually made it in his mouth.

Looking at the picture directions I will really overwhelmed and thought I would have a good 2 hours of cooking ahead of me but the prep only took about 30 minutes. As usual, I somehow managed to misread the ingredients AND the directions and used green chili's instead of a green pepper. Lucky for me, it didn't matter because this dish was AMAAAAAAAAAAAZING!!!!

Hit this recipe up!!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Sour Cream Cookies

I'm back! I apologize for my lack of culinary adventures. Life has kind of taken over. But I do have a YUMMY recipe for you!! I'm so proud that I finally have a winner. Let me start...

I didn't read the directions before choosing to do this recipe. So when it came time to decide to make these *two week ago*, I looked at the directions and read that I needed to chill the dough for about an hour. That automatically put this recipe in the trash. Literally. I am an instant gratification kind of person and I don't want to wait around to make something.

Yet, at the childish urging of Husband, I pulled it out of the trash and proceeded. Since I threw the recipe away after reading "chill for one hour", I didn't read the rest and as I continued to read, I was once again given an annoying direction that I wasn't happy about. One reason being that I didn't want to do it, second being I didn't have the utensil.

Roll the dough out with a rolling pin. EFFORT! No thank you! I didn't have a rolling pin. But I'm creative so I compromised.

After rolling out the dough, I had to use a cookie cutter. I had a few shapes to choose from and since I'm a mature adult, I didn't use the shape I received at my bachelorette party...

I chose a flower! It was hard and annoying to get the spatula under the dough in order to transfer an uncompromised flower shape to the cookie sheet but I obviously did it. So I baked them and OH MY GOODNESS!!!! They were heavenly! Melt in your mouth, soft, bouncy, light, just plain awesome.

I followed the directions for the icing verbatim but it tasted absolutely awful. I did two tries and it was just nasty. Now, I have a minor in art so I'm pretty good with colors and what not. I guess I had a blip when trying to make purple. I ended up with this...

But on the second try I was able to successfully create blue. But the blue didn't save the taste. I ended up scraping the icing off all the cookies I ate. Husband liked it but he's a dude so he'll eat anything.

Anyway, you need to hear me.....THESE COOKIES ARE AWESOME! Just use pre-made icing.

The End.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

400 Calorie Breakfasts

"10 morning meals that will keep you full 'til lunch"

Best line of false advertising I have ever been fooled by!!

As a teacher, and a mommy to a little one, I get up early. Therefore I eat early. By lunch, 11:00, I'm usually ready to gnaw my own arm off. So I thought I would give this article a try.

I needed something quick and easy, and something that sounded tasty so that removed about 9 out of the 10. But since I love peanut butter and green bananas (but not together), I tried that one. I branched out and actually put the banana ON the peanut butter slathered english muffin. For the first time trying it, it wasn't bad. I didn't do the blueberries because I don't like blueberries.

So far, success. I felt full. 7:00 rolls around, doing good. 8:00, still doing ok but starting to envision buffalo wings. 9:00, getting hungry....oh no. 9:30, it's official...I'm hungry. 10:00, don't get near me, i'm starving and cranky. By 10:15, I was about to go into full zombie mode, tearing apart my students and screaming "BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!"

As a science teacher, I think this would have been acceptable.

Regardless, I was hungrier than I've ever been in my life and I was so weak with hunger that I could barely open my mouth to talk. I was dragging my arms on the ground, moaning incomprehensible vocabulary words, and drooling onto the heads of my kids.

When 11:00 rolled around, I got this massive burst of energy, pushed all my kids out of the way, sprinted to the lunch room, jumped the counter to the lunch lady side and chowed down.

Ok, that part isn't true.

"10 morning meals that will keep you full 'til lunch"?? Total crap.

Lie. All lies.

Best Burger Recipe Ever with Secret Sauce

The title says it all right?!?! Who WOULDN'T want to try this? Not me! So of course we tried this recipe, which was going to be so good, so different, so amazing, so delicious and you will not believe me when I tell you what they tasted like......

Are you ready?......

They tasted like......

A hamburger.

Mine looked exactly like theirs so I didn't take a picture.
Bah Humburger.

Cinnamon Sugar Pizza

As you may or may not know, cinnamon sugar is my favorite thing on the face of the Earth. I also love crescent rolls, and of course I love powdered sugar. So basically my diet consists of carbs and sugar. Totally healthy.

I knew that even if I messed this recipe up (which was slim), I would still love it. And guess what I did. I messed up. Are you shocked?

It started simple enough. With my experience with the these, I didn't pile on the butter mixture on top but I put enough to make magic. The directions say to let them cook 8-10 minutes and make the glaze in the meantime. Well when you have a 1 year old, there is nowhere to run, hide, rest, or do anything you need/want. During these 8-10 minutes, my wonderful child required my full attention and when he didn't get it, he threw a god awful flailing tantrum so I got a little side tracked. And guess who forgot about the crescent rolls? Yep.

Oh well. They were a wee bit crispy. No big deal. On to the glaze!!! I butchered this when I tried it with the crescent roll ups but second time is a charm. In fact, that's a lie. The fourth time is a charm.

I kept remembering flour from the recipe. Flour flour flour. So as I was making the glaze, I softened my butter and added the flour. I stirred and stirred and kept thinking "Geeeeeeeeeez, this is so dang thick!!! LOOSEN UP!!!". I stirred and stirred and stirred.......and gave up. I was going to start again with melted butter. So I put the flour and butter together and stirred and stirred and stirred............and guess what? I was supposed to be mixing butter and powdered sugar together. I started the glaze a third time and was so miffed with myself that I made it, it looked nice and thick and I was so ready to plop it on the burnt crescent rolls that I forgot the vanilla and milk.

So I had burnt crescent rolls, foiled and unfinished glaze and a hungry husband. I am such a winner wife.

They were still delicious though!!! I totally finished them off.

Worth a try!

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Southern Pimento Cheese

Let me start off by saying that I could eat cheese by the pound. There is always cheese at our house. I love cheese. Husband loves cheese. Baby swings his hands in the air, squeals like a Bieber crazed fan and opens his mouth huge when I say "want some cheese?" so of COURSE this recipe would be on my to do list!!

I give it a 10 out of 10. My only gripe is that the recipe doesn't suggest letting the cream cheese sit out for a while so it's not so hard. I was flinging sweat all over the kitchen trying to stir all of this together. My pits were dripping, my hair was wet and I was panting by the time I was done.

I made it yesterday and about half of it's gone. SO good!!! We ate it with regular saltines but I'm sure this stuff would be the bomb even on a cracker made of dried up baby boogers. (ew, I just grossed myself out there)


Sunday, November 11, 2012

Pistachio Salmon w/ Parmesan Squash

I am stepping outside of the Pinterest box and sharing a recipe that was not from the world of Pinterest! Such blasphemy! But this was so incredibly delicious I had to share.

Husband found this recipe in one of the inserts of the paper and said I should give it a try. I hadn't had pistachios in years and I highly doubted that pistachios and salmon went well together but as usual, I was wrong.

How long did it take for me to open all the shells to get the pistachios out? I don't know but I had grey hair when I was done. Strike 1.

I have since thrown away the recipe somehow so it goes something like this.

Chop up pistachios. Smash the pistachios on top of the salmon and put a dollop of butter on top. Cut the squash into cubes and top with salt, pepper and parmesan cheese. Bake at I don't remember, how does 325 sound? And cook for I don't know how many minutes, 20-30 sounds good. The end.

There were lots of pistachios left so I decided to plop down and eat the pistachios like they were popcorn and I had the worst tummy ache the rest of the night and into the next day. Strike 2.

Cranberry Breakfast Cookie

It's official folks!!! I am NO LONGER trying any Pinterest oatmeal recipes!! I get way too excited and end up moping around for the rest of the week because the recipe didn't turn out like I had hoped.

The failures have been so nasty, like this one, or this gem, that I'm done. And there is the treat I have for you tonight, total fail.

I've had one winner, and it was the winner of a lifetime, and I will feel lucky that the oatmeal deities showered me with this gift.

Tonight's loser made me think that I might have a turnaround. Even though this recipe contains my arch nemesis- bananas, I thought I could handle it. The ingredients took 30 seconds to mix and about 2 minutes to plop on the pan. The pan that I forgot to spray.


They smelled really good while they were cooking and as I'm sure you can guess, when they were done, I had to rip them apart to get them off the foil. Time moved in slow motion as I moved this delicacy to my mouth.....took a bite.....tasted a craisin (mmmmmmmmmmm) and then I tasted everything else and my whole body just sagged with depression. Not that great. The ONLY thing that saved these "cookies" from being on my s-list is the craisins. Those were pretty tasty.

Husband's response was "Eh." so that's when I know it's a failure. So I'll probably pout until Wednesday when I try a new recipe.

There is no link, just a picture that fakes you out.

Fall Dip

This was an interesting creation. Before I opened up the cool whip, I told myself I should have just stuck it in the freezer and then devoured it like ice cream and made this recipe later. But then I looked at my butt and realized that small portions here and there would be a better option.

This recipe didn't come with portions so I had to fly by the seat of my pants and PRAY this would be something edible. And by edible I guess I meant that it would end up all over my face, arms, lap and on various walls throughout the house but I will get to that later.

I bought the big container of cool whip, added one serving cup of vanilla jello, forgot to add cinnamon (of course) and a whole can of pumpkin. By this point, it was bursting out the top of my bowl because I severely miscalculated a good mixing bowl size. I would have put the dip in a pumpkin like the picture but the only pumpkin I had laying around was old and decrepit so that wasn't going to happen.

After tasting it, I wished I had not added all the pumpkin but it was still ok. I tried it with a Nilla Wafer and it was on. Delicious!!! It was SO on that I convinced Husband to come in the kitchen and try one and that is where things went down hill.

As a busy married couple with a young child, you have to try to find the funny things in life. So when Husband had his wafer topped with dip in his hand, I thought it would be hilarious to knock it out of his hand. Well, I somehow ended up making the dip fly in the air and land on my arm instead, all while he still held the cookie. That was ridiculous and I wasn't having it so I tried, and semi achieved, to smear it on his head and such. He apparently has ninja stealth skills because before I knew it, his hand was in the dip and it was on my face.

Ok, so hahaha, right? Truce? Sure. As I was leaning into the kitchen sink, giggling, and wiping off the dip on my face, here comes the spatula COVERED in dip and it slams into my face and in my hair and then it was ON!!!!

I was chunking it here and there trying to splatter him, all while baby is cracking up in the highchair, Husband is keeled over in laughter (like a little girl) and I am now dripping with dip. I was able to chase him in the bathroom and land a shot but by now there was dip all over my kitchen, on the floor, on the walls, in the bedroom and in the bathroom....nothing was spared.

So was the dip good? Sure. But the memory is the sweetest part.

I even added a few wafer chunks for visual effect. It totally worked.


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Country Club Chicken

I could type a novel over here about my experience with this recipe but let me sum it up then try to explain a bit...

It took so long that by the time I was done, I was so pissed off and tired that I didn't even have the energy to eat it so I went to bed without dinner. Well, I had some rolls.

My first problem is that I read the directions ONE time, paraphrased them in my head, somehow switched the order of them and just flat out screwed up.

I saw that I needed spaghetti noodles so what was the first thing I did? Put the stupid noodles on. After mincing my garlic and apple, I was slicing whole mushrooms when my idiot light bulb went off and I chastised myself for not buying mushrooms that were already sliced. I was irritated by this fact and the fact that baby was clinging all over my legs, tripping himself and whining nonstop.

After cooking the onion/apple/mushroom mix, I added the wine and soup. This smelled like some cheap, dollar store cherry candy and I was really turned off but hoped the cheese would help. I bought fancy NY sharp cheddar but once I added that, the smell graduated to smelling like a truly dirty dog fart and I just about threw up in my mouth and sent the husband to taco bell.

At this point, I decided to look at the directions again and realized I didn't sprinkle the chicken with salt and pepper OR brown it in the skillet that was now filled with a soupy soup. This REALLY irritated me so I had to scoop that soup out and fix up my stupid chicken so I could freaking brown it. I put the chicken in the casserole dish and poured the stinky junk on top. I also decided to pop my rolls in too because the chicken was supposed to take 25-30 minutes.

I was pushing 35-40 minutes by this point. Who knows how. In the mean time, I relaxed a bit, picked up a bit and when the time was up, I checked the chicken. Totally raw. My irritation level was EXTREMELY high by this point. I realized I started my noodles at the wrong time so they would probably be ruined by the end and my rolls were now done. I guess I bought the most obese chicken on the market.

So we just had to wait for the chicken to cook. During our wait, I bathed a child, went ahead and ate my rolls, rescued a stray cat with a ladder, we lost a fossil fuel, and my cheeks were sunken in from starvation. But was the chicken done an HOUR later? No. By now I was really really really really really really irritated. I was at the 2 hour mark from when I started this STUPID recipe.

I was tired, cranky, irritated, hungry and then I looked at my noodles and most of them were nice and crisp. Nothing like air drying noodles for an hour and a half.

So when the chicken was finally done, husband ate it and I just left the kitchen. He said it was good but I was too mad at this recipe to even take a picture. So I really have no useful review for you.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Apple Pie Breakfast

Ok people, I have a treat!! And a tasty treat this is.

If you enjoy the taste of....well....nothing, then this delicious recipe is for you!!

I take that back. It has a taste. I will give it that much credit. It tastes like glorified cardboard. Cardboard with a hint of apple and cinnamon. And by a "hint", I mean not enough to save my mouth from the abomination that entered it.

I know that people have all sorts of disabilities but I was unaware that not having taste buds was one of them. The poor lady who came up with this recipe just is missing out on so much yumminess and I am so sad for her.

But I am even more sad that this recipe put a damper on my super excited mood. This made the house smell SO good. Yankee Candle good. It just put you in one of those Martha Stewart, apron wearing, cupcake making, smile having moods even though once again, I was wearing clothes with snot and slobber on them, no makeup, chapped lips, and dirty socks. But I was happy. WAS.

Back to the drawing board for breakfast tomorrow...

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Peanut Butter Banana Oatmeal Squares

Considering I hate bananas unless they are still in the peel and the peel is still green, I really stepped out of my shell to try this recipe but only because it had the ingredient that is probably the cause of some cellulite on my hiney.


I can tear up some peanut butter.

And I'm afraid that because of that fact, pigs have flown...

I am on a diet. Kinda. I get to blame the cholesterol (and my doctor for ruining my day with that news).

I haven't had a Dr. Pepper in two days!!! And I only had ONE mini snickers today!! I'm so proud of myself. But I've kind of had a few oreos. And a taquito. And a brownie cookie. Dang.

These sounded healthy so I tried them. They were SUPER easy to make and they smelled delicious going into the oven and coming out.

But alas, I was disappointed. They SMELL amazing but they lack flavor. Despite all the yummies that are in the recipe, they are kind of bland. Husband only took a few bites (I wish he would stop doing that and just man up and EAT IT!!) I love you honey.

I got one bite of un-mushed banana and it was revolting. This tasty sounding treat gets a 5 out of 10. So sad.

Chicken Enchilada Roll-Ups

Based on the failure roll I've been on, I should have known these would turn out awful. Awful as in Husband only took a few bites. Ouch.

Plus, I think only a certified artist chef could recreate the look of these fella's. I did everything I was supposed to and as you'll see, mine look absolutely nothing like the original which makes me think these are a conspiracy. You know, one of those "Pinterest conspiracies" with the goal to keep the woman in the kitchen for long periods of time trying to perfect that recipe that the men know will not turn out. Maybe it's their excuse to get some baseball in in between those Lifetime movies.

If that's the case, then congratulations. You won. These sucked.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Avocado Chicken Parmigiano

Mmmmmmmmmm. First thing that came to mind when I saw the picture of this.

The best part about this dinner? The squash. You know, the squash you see in the background? It was the bomb.

But don't fret. The next best part? The rolls. Dang, the rolls were delicious.

The next best part? The oreos I had for dessert. I could put back some oreos.

And the water? Oh. Em. Gee. Best water ever.

The chicken? Sucked.

It all started with my getting really excited when I bought the meat masher to beat the crap out of the chicken. I've never done it before so I was really looking forward to it. Once I got the chicken between the saran wrap and started pounding, I started feeling kind of guilty. The more I pounded and saw chunks of chicken squishing out, the guiltier I felt. It's like I was saying "Oh little chicken! Dying wasn't enough for you?! Here, let me rub salt in the wound you little bawk bawk bawker!!"

I had my thin chicken now :( It was really starting to look good as I was putting it all together. The recipe says that once I bread it, to cook it on each side 4 minutes then cook about 7 minutes more and it's done. Really? I had to cook it about 20 minutes and by then the avocados were nice and toasty, and not in a good way.

The final verdict came when I took a bite and was completely underwhelmed. The chicken was bland and I guess the combo of flavors just didn't mix. I don't know. I LOVE avocado's and they were just plain nasty on this dish. I give it a 4 out of 10.

Me no likey.


Recipe Book

A week later, I have a recipe book! It surprised me how long it took me to make it my own. My goal was to find a cardboard binder I could cover with paper but I learned that cardboard binders aren't wide enough to house paper protectors. So I had to buy a regular binder and bust out my pretty pink X-acto knife and peel off all the plastic. THAT was an all day job.

Next, I picked out some pretty paper and spent HOURS modpodging. Is that a word? I thought it was coming along so good and when I looked at the final product I noticed that I glued the paper on the inside upside down. Sweet.

Regardless, I like it!

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Recipe Scrapbook

I saw a really cute idea about doing a cookbook in a binder. As of right now, I have a cute little recipe box and each time I find a new recipe, I write it by hand on the little card and stick it in the section it belongs.

BUT, since I've been trying so many new recipes lately, I have too many recipes to write down sooooo I thought I would give this recipe book thing a try and I FINALLY got a format down that I love! I will share it just in case anyone wants to go along with this genius idea.

And the good news is I've already done the hard part. It was ridiculously hard to make this format! Here is what it looks like...

So I am going to decorate a binder and be a little Martha Stewart! If you feel like jumping in the wagon, I will email you the format. Email ME at and I will send it to you! HAPPY COOKING!!

The original idea...

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Hawaiin Sweet Roll Ham Sammies

This one looked easy and interesting so I tried it.

Let me warn you. These are good. These are very good. These are so good that you think you're eating a mini ham and cheese sandwich so you just keep eating the mini ham and cheese sandwiches but after a while, you realize "HOLY CRAP! I'VE JUST EATEN 12 ROLLS!!!"

800-651-6000 <----------- Weight Watchers.

These are perfect for game days, lunches, or get togethers but not for dinner unless you have 2 or so side dishes with it.

That's all the time I have folks, I have a cranky kid...


Saturday, September 29, 2012

Double Dark Chocolate Shortbread Cookies

I decided to hop onto and look up synonyms for "disgusting".

-filled with loathing
-make one sick

and my favorite...

- offend morals of.

These cookies offended me and my taste buds. You throw words like "double", "chocolate" and "cookies" together in one title and the unsuspecting consumer expects great things to happen in their mouth.

I don't even think my poop eating German Shepherd would eat these.

SOME of it might be my fault but not enough to "offend my morals". The recipe calls for dark cocoa powder and dark chocolate chips. Well, the store didn't have dark chocolate chips so I used semi-sweet and the only cocoa powder I had was probably regular old Hershey's cocoa? It's kind of been sitting in there for God knows how many years (yes, I just said years) so it might even be a knockoff brand. I didn't think this would be enough to ruin my day though. But these cookies ruined my day.

I followed the recipe and once I formed the dough into a "log", I have to admit that Husband and mine's (is that proper English??) maturity went out the window for a few minutes. Sometimes adults just need a good giggle and we sure did get one.

After we grew back up, we had to wait an hour for the dough to harden enough to slice into cookies. I'm just about speechless on this one. These cookies were so nasty. I would only recommend these for those people you secretly hate but have to be nice to for whatever reason.

If you are feeling evil...

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Creamy Crockpot Chicken and Brocolli

Another crockpot recipe for your viewing pleasure. This recipe can be described in a few words.

1. Easy
2. Delicious

And by leftovers, I mean that there will probably be mold on them before you get to the bottom of the bowl.

There isn't much to say about this. It's really really good and super duper easy and I 100% recommend it!!


Parmesan Honey Pork Roast

First thing's first. I hate pork roast. I've never liked it.


I like parmesan, honey, soy sauce, and garlic AND Husband loves pork roast so I gave this recipe a shot.

Well, to be correct, I gave it two shots. First try, kind of ruined it. So let me begin.

When you mix everything to pour over the roast, the smell is like unicorns dancing in fields of rainbows and care bears. Top 5 best smells ever. I put the crockpot on low and waited and while I waited, my HOUSE smelled like unicorns dancing in fields of rainbows and care bears. After about 5 hours, it kind of started to smell like someone took a blowtorch to a unicorn. I checked on it only to find that half of my juice was now black from being burned and my roast was as dry and hard as a rock. I know that some ovens cook different but do crockpots cook different?! Didn't matter because it was too late. Not going to quit now.

To thicken the sauce, I had to pour it into a pan and add cornstarch and water. Sadly, my "juice" was like coal. It just kinda plopped into the pan and the cornstarch and water just emphasized how nasty it was. But again, I wasn't going to quit. Yet I could see the disappointment and curiousity in Husband's eyes. I sliced the pork, about broke the knife, and poured my coal on top.

I know I am loved. I know I am loved so much because even though it really did look and smell disgusting, Husband slowly opened his mouth and took a bite. I'm staring at him...

"Is it good honey?"


The end.

Ok, not really because I tried this recipe again and NAILED IT!!! DEEEEEELICIOUS!!! This is a must for your weekly menu. Just keep an eye on the temp as it cooks or you will, and I repeat, you WILL ruin it. And if you have a husband anything like mine, hopefully they will eat it regardless.

And as usual, the original looks 10 times better than mine but I try.


Saturday, September 15, 2012

Confetti Chicken Pasta

So I'm just going to skip all those other recipes I mentioned and skip right to tonights fiasco. Let's get something straight. I love carbs. I LOVE carbs. I would voluntarily live with Lucifer if I could eat carbs the rest of my life and not become morbidly obese. So needless to say, carbs don't scare me and you will NEVER hear me say "I'm on a diet so I tried a yummy new low fat, low carb, low sugar recipe!".

The only time I've gone on a semi diet was when I was pregnant and the doctor told me to eat eat eat and gain weight. So I skipped all the way home and enjoyed everything under the sun but at my next appointment she told me to put the fork down. Oops.

When I pictured myself cooking this dinner, I pictured it like in the movies. I was wearing a nice outfit, my hair was down and curled all pretty, I had a super cute apron on, there was soft jazz music in the background and I was enjoying a red glass of wine while Husband gently swayed to the music with me in between stirrings of the chicken.

In reality, I was in sweatpants that were drenched from baby's bath, a shirt that was covered in baby snot and smelled, hair that was washed two days ago and was ratty, football was blaring in the background, Husband kept stealing the water I was drinking out of a 3 year old mickey mouse glass and baby was slamming the cabinets open and close, bypassing the child safety locks that took hours to put on. Alas, this is my reality.

The recipe called for 16 oz. of penne pasta. I cooked it and drained it but by the time I was ready to use it, it looked like all the noodles had babies because I did NOT remember there being that much pasta!

Anyway, I cooked my chicken first like the recipe said. I was getting irritated at how long it was taking so I cranked it up to super high and shaved some time off which I would regret later. As soon as the chicken was done, I put it in the "big bowl" and there it sat. Next? Add the onions to saute. Little did my onions know that my pan was scorching hot because they almost immediately burned to death. The peppers survived ok and I forgot to thaw the brocolli before dumping it in the pan so I waited and waited and waited for the brocolli to cook. I did bide my time by playing Plague, Inc. and trying to kill all of humanity. Great app by the way.

After the veggies were done, they joined the chicken in the "big bowl" and there they sat. On to the next part. I learned a new word tonight. Roux. I still don't know what it is but I made it. Since my pan was still kinda hot from my impatience, the butter immediately burned on contact and that was a pleasant smell. But the flour and half and half did their job, I guess, and "roux" was made. Here is where things got kinda crappy...

By adding the noodles first, they were supposed to get smothered in this roux, but because I had enough noodles to feed 15 people, each noodle got jipped on the sauce and by the time I added my chicken and veggies, which were cold from just sitting there, there was no sauce to go around. So it was a dry and cold meal. I sure could have warmed it up if I wanted to but then I couldn't gripe.

Did I mention I forgot the asparagus and used ridiculously expired feta cheese?

The meal tasted good anyway. It would be a million times better with less pasta. I recommend it and the good news is even though the recipe says it will feed 4 people, it will actually feed 70.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Keep Bananas From Going Bad

I saw this idea on Pinterest and was THRILLED because I only like bananas when they are still semi green. Once they're yellow, they're done for. And once they're brown...they get tossed into the street, waiting for the next mario cart to appear.

The idea is to separate all the bananas, not to leave them in a bunch, and they will stay fresh longer. I did this. What high expectations I had.

One in the fruit bowl.

One on top of the microwave.

One on top of the fridge.

One IN the fridge.

Anyone walking into my kitchen, seeing randomly placed bananas, would have thought I was ridiculously weird. I thought I was verging on being a hippy myself. But I will try anything for the sake of Pinterest.


Sausage and Cheese Muffins

As I was looking at the ingredients to see if this was a realistic recipe to make (remember now, I'm soooo tired by this point and I now have a walking child who is pulling on my leg the whole time I'm in the kitchen and I can only handle so much tugging and whining), I saw sour cream and didn't even finish reading the rest of the ingredients before adding these to my list. What a perfect weekend breakfast!!

You see, I make a casserole very similar so I thought...

- surely the sour cream will add some kind of fun adventure to my mouth!!
- being in muffin form will make it seem like we are at a luxury hotel with catered breakfast muffins!!

And as usual, none of the above came to fruition. I have an active imagination that disappoints me all the time.

Based on Husband's reaction, you would have thought they were some manna from the heavens of sausage land. I, on the other hand, thought they were ok. But I think I know why I thought they were so so. You see, when I was pregnant, I demanded McDonald's sausage breakfast burritos at LEAST every weekend and since the last part of my pregnancy was in the summer, almost every day just because I could. Plus I made my casserole so much that by the time these muffins came to life, I was over it.

So there are your two opinions to go off of. Choose wisely...


Wow. HOLY hiatus!! I guess that's what happens when you have the summer off, actually have a life, then start back to school.

This might explain my hiatus...
1. Baby got tubes.
2. Baby got his vaccinations the Friday before school started and got sick.
3. Baby got sick but still had his FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY that weekend!!
4. School started...

If you are a teacher, or know a teacher, then you realize that #4 says all that needs to be said about dropping off the face of the internet Earth.

Getting back into the swing of things zapped me!!! I had such high aspirations for my Pinterest food adventures but even though we had such an admirable 5 count dinner menu for the week, it ended up with Husband saying "What's for dinner tonight?" and he got one of two responses...

1. Whatever YOU'RE making <---------- nothing.
2. Taco Bell.

The process has been slow but I was able to knock off 7 recipes over the weeks.

1. Sausage, Egg, and Cheese muffins
2. Parmesan Honey Pork Roast
3. Creamy Crockpot Chicken and Brocolli
4. Best Burger Recipe You'll Ever Eat
5. Crockpot Hawaiin Barbecue Chicken
6. Mom's Cheesy Potatoes
7. Hawaiin Sweet Roll Ham Sandwiches

The real question is how many was I able to knock off SUCCESSFULLY!?

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Easiest Dinner Ever

Easiest dinner ever??

YES!!! And super delicious!! This recipe will find its way into my recipe box.

Once again, as with all the recipes I make with cream cheese, there was a severe lack of it in the recipe because I couldn't stop EATING it before it made its way into the crockpot. Regardless, there was a sufficient amount to drool over in the end.

Not much to say other than this should be on your menu soon!

Oh yeah!!!

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Refreshing Salad

What's so refreshing about this salad? (rhetorical question)

 I have one word for this salad.



Wednesday, August 1, 2012


If you've read my homemade gummy post, you'll know I was disheartened by the lack of volume of my gummies compared to the picture of the original. After a second try, the taste was 10 times better and I got the volume I wanted :)

First time around I used cherry jello and mixed fruit to go along with the mandatory apple sauce and apple juice. This time I used strawberry jello and peaches. Deeeeeelicious! I made them for my two nephews while we were on vacation and one of them liked them and the other one said "Eeeeeeeeeeeeww!! I don't LIKE it!". Well ok then.

And I sure did have to double the recipe to get that volume. I CALLED it!!

Roasted Parmesan Green Beans

If you've noticed, I've been on hiatus. Had a sick baby for a week, went out of town for a week, baby got sick again on the way home for a few days then I got sick for a few days. But the good news is, I have 4 recipes for you!!

I saw this recipe and thought it would be easy because it's similar to what I do with my asparagus (which deserves it's own post because EVERYONE loves my asparagus!!) and I like green beans and parmesan. With this, we had burgers on the menu so I got these started while Husband put the burgers on.

It basically went like this..

pull them out
extreme disappointment because the presentation looks like crap
depressingly grab one to try
6-7 minutes later they are all gone and the burgers are still on the grill

So basically the green beans were the unintentional appetizer. And the best part? The burnt pieces!!! It was like savoring the burnt ends on a Cagle's steak. This recipe is a total TOTAL winner!! And it was so easy to do. This should go on your menu but double the recipe because we both were hankering for more.

As usual, the original recipe looks a million times better than mine :(

Give these a try!!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Featured on Pinstrosity

My first feature on this blog was my ginormous peanut butter graham cracker balls. You can see them here!!

Well, on the 4th of July I made those all too famous rice krispie treats (except I used "crisp rice") and they were by all means a beautiful disaster. I decided to submit them to Pinstrosity and they got featured! So you can check those out here!!

This blog is hilarious so if you ever try anything on Pinterest and it's a total flop, you should submit it to this blog and you might end up getting featured!!

Check out Pinstrosity :)

Monday, July 16, 2012

Jalapeno Creamed Corn

Straight from the prairie comes a wholesome, totally unhealthy side dish that is quoted as being "the only side dish you'll ever need". Where to begin with this one...

1. I love corn.
2. I love cream cheese.
3. I love butter.
4. I love jalapenos.
5. I love cheese.
6. I love to cook.
7. I love to eat. A lot.
8. But most of all, I love the commentary from the husband.

Husband gives this dish an 8 out of 10! WINNER!! This dish was so delicious I had to eat it with my eyes closed but then had to promptly open them because here comes baby trying to get a handful of his own. But there were things about the recipe that made no sense to me. It said the butter and cream cheese had to be room temperature. I understand this for stirring purposes but let's talk butter here. When you buy butter, it's cold. You keep it in the fridge so it's ALWAYS cold. So when the recipes calls for room temperature, that means I would have to take the butter out of the fridge and just wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.

But nooooooo, I can't melt it just to rush things along because that would be silly! Despite the fact that the butter will be melted two seconds after I stick the dish in the oven. Perhaps there is a reasoning here that I'm not seeing.

There are pro's and con's to this yummy side dish.

- delicious
- easy
- feeds a lot of people

- it's SO creamy you can only eat a little bit but it's enough to satisfy that side dish desire
- because you can only eat so much, that leaves a lot left over

So you NEED to make this but I would say it's best for a bigger family, not just two people. We will be eating on this for a month. And if it's not moldy by the time school starts, I'll probably be taking it for lunch.

Be smart and try it out...

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Peanut Butter and Chocolate Energy Bites


Yes, I've already made these but they were so good I had to make them again and this time, they come with a picture juuuuust so you can see how good I am at recreating an original piece of culinary art. But the sad fact is that a toddler could recreate these balls so anyway.

Seriously, this is one of the easiest recipes I've ever come across and the fact that they are a 10 out of 10 is kind of a "sealed for life" relationship between me and the peanut butter balls. The first time I made them, I used regular size chocolate chips and made the balls much bigger but you could only eat 1 or 2 at a time because they were so rich. Wish I was. Regardless, this time, I used those teeny, tiny, precious little chocolate chips and these were better for a few reasons...

1. They are cuter.
2. It is almost guaranteed that you will get a chocolate chip in EVERY bite (which is important).
3. You SEE more chocolate so you get more excited.

You can wipe out the smaller balls with 1, MAYBE 2 bites (if you're polite and eat like a prude) but usually one bite will do it. For some reason, this doesn't make them seem so rich so you can chow down and feel shame later. They're healthy though, I just remembered. So never mind about feeling shame.

These should be on your grocery list for next week. No joke. I'm serious. Fo' real.

Here you go!!

Stuffed Zucchini

I might, for once, actually have a winner on my hands. I've had nothing BUT winners before I started this blog so I think this thing has somehow jinxed me but I will overcome. I always do.

After looking at this picture I was foreseeing myself looking super talented in the kitchen area if I could just be able to recreate this, taste and look. While I was reading through how to fix it, she lost me at "aged cheese" and I threw up in my mouth a little. To me, aged cheese is MOLDY cheese so no thanks.

First off, I didn't use bacon because I only like bacon in full on bacon----->my mouth form. No other way. I also left out the curry. That is just about the foulest tasting and smelling thing on the Earth (aside from "aged cheese"). And did you know that spooning out the guts of a zucchini is not as easy as it looks or sounds? Oh no, that stuff ended up all over me, my baby and the kitchen. Gives new meaning to "fling".

Other than all the fun stuff above, the recipe is very easy and quick. I would recommend getting the fattest zucchini you can find because long and narrow didn't leave much room for stuffing. It was all pretty easy to throw together but instead of "aged cheese', I opted for monterrey jack and that turned out just fine. I tried to make mine LOOK better than hers by topping it off with parsley flakes of my own liking but hers still blows mine out of the water. I'm sure it tasted better too with her fancy bacon and curry. But you know what?

Mine was still good!! If the husband will eat it again, it's a winner.

Here is the link!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Cinnamon Crescent Rolls

When I saw this pin, I thought about how anything with cinnamon sugar is what I would choose to have forever if I were deserted on an island with ONE food. I also love crescent rolls so I was so super excited for this recipe.

After ALL of us sleeping in (thank you baby), Husband said "you should go pop in those cinnamon rolls we have." but I very excitedly said "NO!!! I'M GOING TO MAKE THE CINNAMON CRESCENT ROLLS!!!!". Ok then. Here goes...

Before I made these, I predicted a few things just from my knowledge of butter, bread and just because I like to think I'm smart.

#1- the butter is going to go EVERYWHERE
#2- they will be mushy from sitting in the butter
#3- these are going to be freaking awesome
#4- if they end up ridiculous, I have cinnamon rolls as a back up

I must be half gypsy fortune teller because I got half of these right. Let me start at the beginning.

I followed the recipe verbatim, except that I didn't have a pan with sides. I made the butter mixture and lost about 1/8 of it to my mouth. Opened the rolls, spread the butter on them, rolled them up and popped them in the oven. I set the timer for 10 minutes and started to make the glaze. After adding the powdered sugar and vanilla to the butter, it just looked like dark butter so I was starting to foresee bad things happening. And by bad I had no idea what I was in for.

3 minutes left. It's time to check them. Open the oven door...


There's smoke everywhere! Butter EVERYWHERE!!! Bubbling, burning, smoking, dripping into crevices underneath the oven!! I was expecting a butter explosion with flames to my face any second! I went into panic mode and put another pan underneath that one but to no avail, it was far far too late. Why not let them cook for 3 more minutes? :)

I pulled them out when they were done...

Um, yeah. 3/4 of that brown stuff is in my oven.

I am NOT a quitter (unless it's P90X). I teach my students to NEVER GIVE UP no matter what. So I was NOT going to stop here! By golly, I had a glaze to put on. I thought maybe the glaze could salvage the look. Not so much.

Can I go hide in a corner??

That glaze is total bull. As you can see, it's NOT fancy and white. I was so disappointed but my disappointment deepened when I realized that my backup of cinnamon rolls wasn't going to happen because my oven was totally off limits thanks to the butter gnome. But we were hungry.

I'm NOT lovin' it.


Thursday, July 12, 2012

Taco Roll Ups

Disney family stuff is supposed to be good, wholesome, and HONEST, right? Well I'm here to tell you that Disney is dishonest. They are selling something that is not real. And in this case, I mean "selling" by showing you a DELICIOUS picture and then

I'm talking about the Disney Family Fun Magazine Taco Roll Ups! Look at the picture and you will see a fancy rolled up thing, cheese, beef, tomatoes, corn, rice AND cilantro. Now I blame Disney for half of this failure, and myself for the other half. Although to save face I'll just say it's all Disney's fault.

To start off with, I didn't realize as I looked at the ingredients I needed to buy that tomatoes, rice, cilantro and corn weren't on the inventory list. FIRST mistake for not noticing that. Then after I was done rolling them and cut them, they just looked like a fat, nasty burrito that had been hacked into two pieces. This entailed the SECOND mistake.

Mistake #1- If I had realized that half of what was in the picture wasn't on the ingredient list, I probably would have been too mad to even make the stupid things and boycotted Disney (except for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Little Einsteins on Disney Junior in the mornings). After ranting and raving about it to husband, he very nicely informed me that the tomatoes were more than likely part of the salsa. Ugh. Husband:1-Wife:0.

Mistake #2- When it was time to roll them up, I just plopped a heaping spoonful right down the middle and rolled up the thing like a burrito. I'm not always the sharpest knife in the block so it didn't occur to me to slather the mixture all over the tortilla and THEN roll it up, hence giving a nice roll up effect. My bad. It's still Disney's fault though.

To sum it up, the taste was beyond boring and it was boring to look at. I will not be making these again. Even WITH the corn, rice and cilantro! Take THAT Mickey Mouse!!


If you want to go against me, here you go...

Homemade Gummy Snacks

As an avid fan of Finding Nemo and Spiderman gummy snacks, I wanted to try this homemade version to see if they could compete. Well folks, Nemo has some competition now.

These were super duper easy to make and the flavor combinations are endless!! The only problem with the recipe is she says to use two envelopes of gelatin. Well "gelatin", or JELLOOOOOOO, comes in two sizes. tiny and jumbo. So which one to use, I struggled with this decision for about 2 minutes. I had tiny AND jumbo!! I didn't want to mess it up!! I opted for the tiny. You might say "ummmmm, it SAYS one envelope is 2 1/2 tsps!!". Yes. Yes it does, but the box says ounces, not teaspoons and I am not about to do that conversion in my head.

The recipe calls for fruit juice and mixed berries but it requires applesauce. So since the apple flavor was already in it, I used apple juice, frozen berry blend (strawberry, raspberry, blueberry) and cherry "gelatin". That seems like such a granny word to me. It was a fruit explosion in my mouth. The strawberries tasted like strawberries, the raspberries tasted like raspberries, THE SNOZBERRIES TASTED LIKE SNOZBERRIES!!

In the end, they held together well and were all jiggly like jello but not super firm like my Finding Nemo snacks. Husband gave one to baby and he just squished it in his hand. My final verdict is that I WILL make these again, I will probably just use more closely related flavors. Let me think of some combinations that go good with apple...

1. Cherry jello with cherries and apple juice
2. Strawberry jello with strawberries, apple juice and maybe PEACHES!! Oh em gee.
3. Ok, too much thinking but you get the idea.

My only gripe is that in the original picture, the gummies look so thick and enticing but I used an 8x8 pan like she said and mine were not anywhere NEAR that thick and decadent. So I think she doubled the recipe for effect and didn't tell anybody. So deceitful.

Regardless, mine are pretty, right?!

Whatever                                                                                  Mine look better!!

Here is the link!

Tin Foil Celery

All you celery junkies out there, REJOICE!!! It's possible to stretch that 89 cent celery stalk to its full life potential! I was skeptical with this Pinterest idea of wrapping celery in aluminum foil. I mean, who got bored enough to come up with this? Obviously, a genius.

So since I'm a genius myself, I tried it and three weeks later, my celery is still kicking (and growing leaves?!) so this was a WIN! FINALLY! Go me :)

Here is the link!!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012


You can look forward to these yummy adventures soon!!

Homemade Gummy Fruit Snacks
Jalapeno Creamed Corn
Crescent Cinnamon Rolls
Taco Roll Ups
Stuffed Zucchini

Monday, July 9, 2012

Crockpot Chicken Fajitas

Fajitas? Delicious. Crockpot? Easy. When I chose this recipe, I thought it was a winner. And I win a lot when it comes to new recipes. Basically, I'm a winner! And there are days where I live in a fantasy world and I think I'm superwoman. I mean, I teach all day, come home and play house, play with baby, cook dinner, get baby ready for bed and there is nothing that can stop me. EXCEPT....

The pukies. The pukies are my kryptonite. The night this dinner was on the menu, I was dysfunctional. Granted, this is summer and I hadn't taught all day, I had puked all day so I was tired, k? That meant husband had to cook dinner AND take care of me AND take care of baby. With that being said, there was only so much time and effort that could be put towards dinner.

They started out looking good enough, with the bright colors of the peppers and the onion. To a normal nose, I'm sure it smelled delicious but to my nose, it smelled like dog poo. Some fresh air cured that until I had to come back inside to throw up.

So in order to make these fajitas delicious for the husband to enjoy, we needed tortillas, sour cream, guacamole and cheese. Mmmmmmmmmmm, sounds delicious.

1. Husband accidentally threw away the tortillas in a fit of fridge cleaning madness the day before.
2. The cheese didn't get grated.
3. The guacamole didn't get made.
4. The sour cream didn't get used.

What the heck kind of dinner IS this?!?! Well, husband said it was good but would have been better with tortillas, sour cream, guacamole and cheese. Basically all the ingredients that actually make a fajita good. Were they good? I don't know. What did they look like in the end? I don't know. Should you try this recipe? I don't know.

i'll never know...

But just in case you're curious...

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Chicken Artichoke Lasagna

Last night started out like any other. Husband came home, baby was in a good mood and it was time for mommy to cook dinner. I bought all the ingredients for this recipe last grocery trip but apparently things seem to get used before they make it to their true destination. But regardless, this chicken artichoke lasagna was ON THE MENU! Bring it.

I love foreshadowing so I will do a little foreshadowing for you. I was giving baby a bath while husband was eating. I asked husband how it tasted and he said 'I took one bite and that was it.". Oh.

1. It helps to have all the ingredients.
2. It helps to buy the RIGHT ingredients.
3. It helps to include all the ingredients you DO have :)

Let me explain why this dish that originally looked so tasty was a complete disaster.

I didn't have milk, or mozzarella cheese so that caused a problem. I used what little monterrey jack I had but that didn't cut it.  I saw the price of the "sun dried tomatoes packed in oil" and thought "psh, yeah right, I'll just get these dried sun dried tomatoes for half the price and feel like a bargain shopper." Mistake. BIG mistake. Sooooooo...

1. I didn't use milk.
2. I used the wrong cheese and not enough cheese.
3. I used a third of the tomatoes called for because trying to cut those hard suckers was impossible so I gave up.
4. I totally forgot the basil.
5. My finished product looked and tasted like crap.

My bad, husband, my bad

I'm so embarrassed.

If you don't want to take my word for it, try it yourself...

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Welcome aboard mateys

After trying about 30 Pinterest recipes, I decided I needed a place to share my results so others can either avoid or try these tasteless or tasteful dishes!! Although Pinterest has more cute crafts that I would like to do over recipes, having a baby doesn't allow much time for crafty stuff but I HAVE to cook so alas, my Pinterest cooking blog. ENJOY!!